It's real.
The book is real, not a hallucination.
I brought it with me when I went to my therapist. He saw it and asked me about it. Which means the book is a real physical object that other people can see.
Somehow..
Somehow this book that should be ashes right now is on my desk, without any signs of ever being near fire. Aside from the smell, it still smells like sulfur.
She only ever made one. She never made any other copies. This book was meant only for my eyes. So this isn’t just another copy. This can only be the real deal.
So good news: I am not as crazy as I thought I was.
Bad news: DOES THIS MEAN THE FUCKING DOG IS REAL TOO?! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!
Then is the fucking clown thing also..?
No..
That doesn’t make sense. Things like that don’t exist. There are no hellhounds or demon clowns in the real world. None of this can possibly be real and yet that fucking book is.
I didn’t tell my therapist about them. I was too shocked when he asked about the book. I barely even remember what we did talk about. I couldn't concentrate. He noticed I was even more stressed than last time. Maybe I should have told him why. But I couldn’t, I was too confused and scared.
Maybe I am going crazy after all. Maybe this book isn’t what I think it is. Maybe it’s another book and I’m just seeing it as her book. And that’s why he could see it. Is that even possible?
Sounds more possible than the alternative.
I keep wanting to open the book and read it. I want to see her words again..
No, I don’t deserve that. I should burn the book again. Hopefully this time it stays burnt.
My hands are trembling. I need to lay down and watch some cat videos or something.
Cat videos are always calming. Especially the ones where the cat is tormenting a mouse and then eventually eats it. I used to like the ones where a cat would be tormenting a small bird, but The Convocation won't let me watch those anymore.
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